Various Artists - Christmas Memories [Hallmark] (2002)

Vinyl Castle

Ah, 'tis the season for cheesy holiday tunes and questionable cover songs of classic carols. Enter VARIOUS ARTISTS Christmas Memories, a compilation album that promises festive cheer but ultimately falls flat like a deflated Christmas pudding. From the opening track, it's clear that this album is a mixed bag of goodies - and not in a good way. The rendition of "Jingle Bells" by The Generic Boy Band is so lacklustre, it makes you wish you were listening to the sound of sleigh bells in a hailstorm. And don't even get me started on Mariah Carey's distant cousin's attempt at "All I Want for Christmas Is You." But fear not, dear listeners, for there are diamonds in the rough amid the coal. The haunting version of "Silent Night" by The Acoustic Duo is a pleasant surprise, like finding a chocolate coin at the bottom of your stocking. And the jazzy interpretation of "Santa Baby" by The Smooth Lounge Singers is so smooth, it's like sipping mulled wine by the fireplace. So, should you give VARIOUS ARTISTS Christmas Memories a spin this holiday season? If you're feeling brave and in need of a good laugh, go for it. Just be prepared to skip a few tracks and have a strong dose of eggnog at the ready. Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals.